Time for a Break

While Summer is winding down and kids are heading back to school, I am ready for my vacation. Not a real vacation to somewhere warm and tropical, although that doesn't sound too bad either, but a vacation from all of the stress of infertility. Well, that is exactly what we are doing. After this week, no more weekly treatments, charting my temperature, testing my ovulation, assigning days of the week for sex, taking a lot of supplements, seeing specialists, getting blood drawn, eating or avoiding certain foods or obsessing in my head about what else I should do! Just making the decision to stop all of this has felt like a relief and a much needed vacation. We have been actively trying for over two years and weren't preventing anything for about three years before that. For now, I give up. I surrender. I had to wrestle with the idea that taking a break wasn't a form of quitting. I felt if we stopped everything and it all came to a halt I was quitting and admitting failure. I am not there yet, but Andy said to me recently he could be truly happy still if we never had kids. That was a big game changer for me. We are so busy and developing two businesses right now that I thought why am I doing all of this? So, I came to the conclusion it was break time. We may at some time in the future go back to trying and step it up by having a procedure or two done, but not now. We will know when the time is right. I hope this can be a true time of rest and fulfillment for us as we are putting our lives on a new course. I am now headed into a season of vacation and it feels great!