Myth: Infertility isn’t a disease.
According to the RESOLVE website, " Yes, it is. According to the dictionary, a disease is a “disordered or incorrectly functioning organ, part, structure, or system of the body”. Infertility in either the male or female partner is in fact directly due to some malfunction in the body, whether it be hormonal or structural."
So there we have it. Now I realize why I am suffering. A part of me is diseased, incorrectly functioning. What I don't understand is my reproductive organs are the ones not functioning yet why is it my heart that hurts so bad?
I have mentioned earlier in my blog when my doctors tell me I have unexplained infertility they are just empty words to my empty womb. If someone has a diagnosis of cancer or diabetes, do they beat themselves up? Do they cringe when they see healthy people? Do they cry at the thought of attending a birthday for a healthy friend? This is why I hate my disease. Not only do I have a part of my body not functioning, but at times it robs me. It steals my joy. It makes me avoid happy events like baby showers or christenings. I see women pushing strollers in the park and look away. Not because I despise them. I envy them. I long for what they have. I think what is wrong with me?
Like so many fellow sufferers of infertility I have good days and bad days. On good days I pass the moms in the park and smile. On bad days I look away and feel a tear come to my eye. On good days I go with a friend to lunch and play with her toddler. On bad days I stay home or go somewhere with a single friend. This "malfunction of my body" may steal moments from my life, but I am determined to not let it dominate me.
I don't understand my miscarriage and the last two years of infertility. I can't explain why some medicines and alternative therapies work for others and not for me. All I know is this disease may control my womb, but it will not control my spirit! Like I have stated previously, I needed and still need an action response to my grief. That is why I wrote my children's book and that is why I get out of bed everyday and even write this blog. Whether or not I will ever conceive a child on my own is up to God, but the day I stop sharing my story or listening to the heartaches of other women and lift my head high with hope will be the day the disease wins. And for now, it will NOT be this day!
Click Here to learn more about the basic understanding of infertility
Click Here for more on the background of National Infertility Week