Two Year Anniversary

Yes we are still taking a break from actively trying to have a baby, but that doesn't mean I don't still think about it from time to time or wonder if we will ever conceive. It has been such a relief these last couple of months to not have the added stress of trying to make this happen. We have been super busy with personal life and career stuff and honestly it has felt so much more peaceful not wondering and waiting and taking pills to see what will happen this month. This weekend gave me a little time for reflection because Saturday was the two year anniversary of when we lost our baby. It is really hard for me to believe two years have gone by and even harder to believe that we have been trying this long. As I reflected I actually was really grateful. As sad as it seems sometimes and I still wonder what life would be like if we had a toddler running around the house right now, I am almost grateful for the miscarriage. In so many ways it has been a blessing. It has definitely been a growing period for me, both emotionally and spiritually. Also, I know the things we are working on now and the lifestyle we are working so hard to achieve would not be happening. The people I have gotten to meet and relationships I have made even these last few months are all results of taking leaps of faith and diving into areas Andy and I thought we would never get to do. All of the travel and time spent pursuing our dreams and desires would not be happening with a toddler in tow. Some people can make it happen but I know us. We would be all consumed with the day to day of a little person in our lives and not have the opportunities we do to really achieve some big life goals. I know it would be a blessing to have a child and some day I still have hope we can experience that, but for now I am enjoying my time with Andy and all of our adventures! Life is a bumpy road, but in the end it is all worth it. So during this difficult time of year I am grateful. Grateful that for a brief time God gave me the gift of a baby that I do believe I will see again one day in heaven and grateful that he dreamed bigger dreams for me than I ever had for myself.