Welcome to My Story

I hope this can be a place of sharing and healing. I want to share my struggles and surprises on this journey. I want to help you find healing like I did by relying on my faith and pursuing my dream of writing a children's book. Maddy and Scooter: Unlikely Friends is not only my book, but an action response to my grief. I hope you can give birth to your dream!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Two Year Anniversary

Yes we are still taking a break from actively trying to have a baby, but that doesn't mean I don't still think about it from time to time or wonder if we will ever conceive. It has been such a relief these last couple of months to not have the added stress of trying to make this happen. We have been super busy with personal life and career stuff and honestly it has felt so much more peaceful not wondering and waiting and taking pills to see what will happen this month. This weekend gave me a little time for reflection because Saturday was the two year anniversary of when we lost our baby. It is really hard for me to believe two years have gone by and even harder to believe that we have been trying this long. As I reflected I actually was really grateful. As sad as it seems sometimes and I still wonder what life would be like if we had a toddler running around the house right now, I am almost grateful for the miscarriage. In so many ways it has been a blessing. It has definitely been a growing period for me, both emotionally and spiritually. Also, I know the things we are working on now and the lifestyle we are working so hard to achieve would not be happening. The people I have gotten to meet and relationships I have made even these last few months are all results of taking leaps of faith and diving into areas Andy and I thought we would never get to do. All of the travel and time spent pursuing our dreams and desires would not be happening with a toddler in tow. Some people can make it happen but I know us. We would be all consumed with the day to day of a little person in our lives and not have the opportunities we do to really achieve some big life goals. I know it would be a blessing to have a child and some day I still have hope we can experience that, but for now I am enjoying my time with Andy and all of our adventures! Life is a bumpy road, but in the end it is all worth it. So during this difficult time of year I am grateful. Grateful that for a brief time God gave me the gift of a baby that I do believe I will see again one day in heaven and grateful that he dreamed bigger dreams for me than I ever had for myself.


  1. TTC anniversaries are hard. It's a good time to reflect, rejoice, and do a little grieving as well. It sounds as if you and Andy are doing a great job in creating the life that you both enjoy. That is such a blessing.

    I hope your wait is not too much longer.

  2. Thanks for sharing.. I am struggling with infertility as well and have just started to blog about it @ www.mrsbirkiblog@blogspot.com