Welcome to My Story

I hope this can be a place of sharing and healing. I want to share my struggles and surprises on this journey. I want to help you find healing like I did by relying on my faith and pursuing my dream of writing a children's book. Maddy and Scooter: Unlikely Friends is not only my book, but an action response to my grief. I hope you can give birth to your dream!

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Infertility Myth Busted

  Myth:   Infertility isn’t a disease. 

According to the RESOLVE website, " Yes, it is. According to the dictionary, a disease is a “disordered or incorrectly functioning organ, part, structure, or system of the body”. Infertility in either the male or female partner is in fact directly due to some malfunction in the body, whether it be hormonal or structural." 

So there we have it. Now I realize why I am suffering. A part of me is diseased, incorrectly functioning. What I don't understand is my reproductive organs are the ones not functioning yet why is it my heart that hurts so bad? 

I have mentioned earlier in my blog when my doctors tell me I have unexplained infertility they are just empty words to my empty womb. If someone has a diagnosis of cancer or diabetes, do they beat themselves up? Do they cringe when they see healthy people? Do they cry at the thought of attending a birthday for a healthy friend? This is why I hate my disease. Not only do I have a part of my body not functioning, but at times it robs me. It steals my joy. It makes me avoid happy events like baby showers or christenings. I see women pushing strollers in the park and look away. Not because I despise them. I envy them. I long for what they have. I think what is wrong with me? 

Like so many fellow sufferers of infertility I have good days and bad days. On good days I pass the moms in the park and smile. On bad days I look away and feel a tear come to my eye. On good days I go with a friend to lunch and play with her toddler. On bad days I stay home or go somewhere with a single friend. This "malfunction of my body" may steal moments from my life, but I am determined to not let it dominate me. 

I don't understand my miscarriage and the last two years of infertility. I can't explain why some medicines and alternative therapies work for others and not for me. All I know is this disease may control my womb, but it will not control my spirit! Like I have stated previously, I needed and still need an action response to my grief. That is why I wrote my children's book and that is why I get out of bed everyday and even write this blog. Whether or not I will ever conceive a child on my own is up to God, but the day I stop sharing my story or listening to the heartaches of other women and lift my head high with hope will be the day the disease wins. And for now, it will NOT be this day!

Click Here to learn more about the basic understanding of infertility 

Click Here for more on the background of National Infertility Week 

Monday, April 25, 2011

L.A. Times Article

Here is a link to a great L.A. Times article out today. 
My Turn: What to expect when we're not yet expecting
It discusses what not to say to women with infertility. I know all of us struggling with these issues have heard various "suggestions" and "advice." I like how the author of this article talks about when people say, "why don't you just..." Like we haven't already thought of that! Like why don't you just adopt? Because it really is that easy. I am sure there is plenty of this "advice" to go around. My favorite one lately is you HAVE to try this medicine...and then the next person I talk to says DO NOT try that medicine it is horrible and you will feel terrible. I guess it is all perspective and whatever works for them. I know people try to be helpful, but not saying anything at all and just giving someone a hug can be the most comfort. I think about the story of Job in the Bible and he had gone through terrible situations losing his family, his home, his health and all of his friends came to support him. For a long time they just sat with him not saying a word and according to Job that was extremely comforting. Then they opened their mouths and told him why they thought all these terrible things had happened, what he should do, and how it was even his fault! Maybe they should have kept their opinions to themselves...as someone very wise once said, "Better to keep silent and be thought a fool, then to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." Let's just remember, advice and suggestions may be helpful, but just keeping quiet and listening is a great gift!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

give birth to your dream website

Well, it is finally here! My website. It is pretty much an extension of this blog, but with more ways for me to connect and share information about Kristen Lucas for those that need it. I hope you all can check it out and let me know what you think! It is www.givebirthtoyourdream.com. Enjoy and poke around! New blog update to come soon!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

April is National Infertility Awareness Month

Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience. April is Infertility Awareness Month. Whether a friend, a family member, a colleague or yourself has fought through this difficult fate that MILLIONS of women and men are fighting day in and day out. Post this as your status if you or someone you know has walked to hell and back for the chance to be a MOM or DAD. I noticed this status on someone's Facebook page and had to make everyone aware. I am just now realizing it is infertility awareness month and I am happy to be speaking at a fundraiser for RESOLVE, the national infertility association this weekend. I tried to look up in my area what charity events are taking place or any other fundraisers I could be a part of. Do you know what I found? NOTHING! If anyone knows of one in the San Diego area this month please make me aware. I am saddened that San Diego and our area is not reaching out and doing more to raise money for fertility research. I am doing my part. If you want to join me contact me via this blog or on Facebook. I have green wristbands, similar to the Lance Armstrong "Live Strong" bracelets, that say "give birth to your dream" that are available for $5. A dollar from each wristband goes to support RESOLVE. I will have a website up soon with my story and the bracelets for sale. Until then you can contact me directly if you want one. As I have said before, I want women with fertility issues to find their creative outlets and whatever makes them feel alive to go and do that! That is my message with "give birth to your dream." My dream and creative outlet was writing my children's book. What is yours?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Clomid? IUI? What's a girl to do?

Well, I followed up today with my doctor and I am done with this round of fertility testing. We have done lab work and the HSG exam and everything came back normal. So what is a girl to do? My ob/gyn wants to put me on Clomid, but I am not ready for that stuff. I am so sensitive to medicine, I mean Tylenol weirds me out with two tablets! I can't imagine what my hormones would be like. She has given me until August, my birthday, to keep trying naturally. Next step, Clomid or else! Great, another reason to dread my 32nd birthday! I just want so badly to do this naturally. I am still sticking with acupuncture, but today I felt like if I don't get on drugs soon I am a moron. Why does the Western medical community think drugs are the only answer? Unless I try one round of the Clomid she won't refer me to a fertility specialist. I am paying out of pocket for all of this because our insurance doesn't cover fertility issues, but yet I feel held hostage to see a specialist unless I try meds! Ugh...frustration. 
So I have until August to get this done...no pressure right? I am starting to feel like an idiot..why can't my body just have a kid?
Also, starting to consider an IUI procedure, but they want you on Clomid to do the procedure...what to do? Any advice?