Welcome to My Story

I hope this can be a place of sharing and healing. I want to share my struggles and surprises on this journey. I want to help you find healing like I did by relying on my faith and pursuing my dream of writing a children's book. Maddy and Scooter: Unlikely Friends is not only my book, but an action response to my grief. I hope you can give birth to your dream!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

It Takes A Village

Hillary Clinton said it took a village to raise a child, but I am finding out it takes a village to HAVE a child! Most women when they find out they are expecting go to their ob/gyn, get some generic pre-natal vitamins and they are on their way. Not in my case...No I have a team of Dr. Shelia Panda, my naturopathic doctor, Dr. Dana Chortkoff, my ob/gyn, Jeneanne Paden, my acupuncturist, Chantal Russell, my chiropractor, and Trish (sorry don't know her last name), massage therapist. Now you might be thinking um, okay overload! Actually, I want to spend time highlighting each of them in weeks to come because they have all been so supportive and are working together to produce the best, most healthiest environment to have a baby. You might still be wondering about the chiropractor, acupuncturist or massage therapist? Well, the acupuncture experience these last couple of months has been AMAZING! I will devote one whole blog to that someday soon, but she is a fertility acupuncturist who is phenomenal and the positive side effects I have experienced in just two months are great. For the chiropractor care, I am making sure my hips are aligned and I have been seeing her off and on for 4 years and it just helps for overall well-being. Now the massage therapist plays a huge role in helping my body stay out of the fight/flight mode that could possibly reject an embryo. This is just a continuation of acupuncture and I am usually only going once every 6 weeks during the week of ovulation to help my body stay relaxed and "open" to holding onto a baby. Yes, I know it sounds like a lot or maybe an excuse to be pampered. I must admit I feel a little guilty leaving acupuncture every week feeling so relaxed and refreshed and yes the massage is an added bonus I have to sell Andy on that it is really for medical purposes! :) I look at it this way, it may be costing us money to do all of these things, but I want to have a baby naturally.  For now I am giving my body every possible fighting chance to produce a kid without the resources of drugs or surgery. I do not at all look down on women who take other routes or use traditional Western medicinal treatments. I commend anyone who puts time, effort, money and love to create this miracle of life. For me having a team is what is working for me now as crazy as it sometimes feels informing them all of updates, changes in my body and lab work. This is the path I have chosen and this is the village I know can make it happen!

Saturday, March 12, 2011


Okay...so an update from the HSG exam. I was so nervous as I last wrote and extremely scared. I had to wait a half an hour because they were running behind and I thought I was going to have a full on panic attack!! The nurses and technicians were awesome and the doctor wasn't exactly Mr. Personality, but he was at least quick. I highly recommend Sharp-Rees Stealy medical professionals in San Diego! It was very uncomfortable and I did have to squeeze the nurses hand a couple of times, but overall not that bad. I definitely have worse cramps than this during my cycle so I could handle the pain. I am so glad it is over and the good news is...everything is normal! No blockages and apparently I have a great uterus! Hooray! 
Now for more testing...I mean I am glad with all of these tests so far they come back normal, but it still feels like okay what is going on? I still know it is up to God and just a matter of time...I am just not patient. Okay now that the test is over I want to hear everyone's horror stories...what was so bad about the HSG exam for you?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


I am nervous because tomorrow I am going in for my HSG exam. Has anyone had this exam and is it painful? Do I need to take the antibiotics? The pain medicine? Stressing...

Apparently in this exam they stick iodine dye up into your hoo-hoo and then take an x-ray to see your uterus and fallopian tubes. They can tell if there are any blockages or issues in your reproductive system.  They want you to take pain medicine before the procedure for cramping and have someone drive you home. Is this precautionary or will it be that bad??  I am anxious to find out the results and hopefully everything is normal. I am not however looking forward to this procedure. An update tomorrow with all the details...I am such a wimp when it comes to stuff like this!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Dead and Gone

So I was at the gym on the treadmill today trying to get "into the zone" and let go of the stresses of the day and all I still needed to accomplish. I was listening to music and the song "Dead and Gone" by T.I. and Justin Timberlake came on  my i-pod. For the first time in a long while I focused in on the words and I realized this was the song for me for today. You see I was feeling overwhelmed and grateful all at the same time. Overwhelmed because I have a lot going on this week with the book and in my personal life. Grateful because I am so excited and very content with where things are in my life. I am someone who has spent most of her life looking forward to something and not enjoying what is happening now. I am enjoying what is happening now. I do feel as if the old me is dead and gone. I am trying to find my way back home and I have traveled on this road far too long. I was tired of traveling that road and trying to control the outcome of everything. In the song they sing about turning their head to the East and West and no one is by their side but they look to the North and swallow their pride. Lately I have looked North and found I have had to swallow my pride and surrender it to God. Through my surrender I have given up control. I have tried to stop controlling my life and where this book and speaking thing is all headed. For the first time I can remember I am trying to not control the results. Let go. Breathe. Work hard. Repeat. That is how I start each day and surrender my struggles, ambitions and relationships. This is huge for me. Three months ago I had given up the ability to even pray and  talk to God anymore. Now I pray by the minute. Something comes up and I feel my need to control and manage it. I pray to let go. The old me is dead and gone. I have traveled this road too long and it is exhausting! Now who knew T.I. and Justin Timberlake could be so profound...
Check out the song here if you want.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Oh to just go to the bathroom...

I long for the day when I do not have to test my pee. I am not speaking of the random drug test...oh no! I am speaking of the ovulation pee tests and pregnancy tests. You see because we are still trying to determine when I am ovulating, I start testing on day 10 of my cycle until the day I get a positive reading...which this month wasn't until day 24! The good news is I am ovulating. The bad news is it is never the same day every month. Ugh. So...here's how it goes. Every day around the same time, usually 4pm for me, I go in the bathroom to pee into a little plastic cup. I then take a small thin test strip and stick it into the pee, but not past the black line and wait 3 to 10 seconds. I then lay the strip flat and wait for at least 5 minutes to hopefully see two dark pink lines. Now here is where it gets tricky. I must wait to see two dark lines, not one line or one dark and one light line. No, that would be a negative reading. Fortunately, the outside of the package gives you a diagram to look at that helps. So you repeat this process day after day until you get a positive reading. Then you obviously follow up with 3-4 days in a row of timed "romantic interludes" to make a baby. Then you wait another week and start testing your pee again in the same manner with early detection pregnancy strips. This process continues until you hopefully get a positive reading or start your cycle. Now remember the fun part is I do this day after day and month after month no matter where I am. So yes, I have been on vacation and even staying at people's houses and follow this process and carry all of the supplies with me along the way! Some of you may be thinking, wow that is a little too much information! But remember from the beginning I promised to be transparent and share ALL! So yes I long to just be able to use the restroom, not have to think about what day or hour it is...

I promise to also not totally sell out this blog to advertising, but if I find something useful or that I use I will share. These are test strips I get off of Amazon.com and they are way more affordable then going to the drugstores! Check them out...