Welcome to My Story

I hope this can be a place of sharing and healing. I want to share my struggles and surprises on this journey. I want to help you find healing like I did by relying on my faith and pursuing my dream of writing a children's book. Maddy and Scooter: Unlikely Friends is not only my book, but an action response to my grief. I hope you can give birth to your dream!

Monday, February 14, 2011

True Love

On this Valentine's Day when card companies and florists are making a fortune, I want to share my story of true love. I promise not to be too sappy, but I have to give gratitude to my true love, my husband. I have to share a tale of when I really knew I loved him. Now you may be thinking this is sweet and all but how does this relate to fertility issues? Well, stick with me and you will see.
Andy and I met almost exactly seven years ago at a Superbowl party hosted by a mutual friend. I wish I could say it was love at first sight and we have been inseparable ever since...close but not quite. You see, at this party he was drug there by another friend and did not want to come and I was there with my current boyfriend. I actually talked to one of my roommates that night about dating him because he seemed nice but a little quiet. To make a long story short, I broke up with the other guy, Andy started hanging out with our group of friends and yes from there it did move kind of fast! We all hung out for a few months together, but one night Andy asked me out on a date aside from the rest of the group. It was new and different to not have everyone else around and be in a big group, but we thought we liked it that way and so we decided to date exclusively that night. A week later he told me he loved me, a month later he asked my dad if he could marry me, two months later we were engaged and roughly eleven months after our first "official" date we were married.
Yes, I was in love with him then and of course we when said our vows in front of our family and friends in the middle of Balboa Park in San Diego. But I later realized that is not when I truly knew I loved him. Of course there have been moments and glimpses of true love in romantic gestures and kind words and in all of the heartfelt cards and letters he has written me the last 6 1/2 years...and I thought I loved him then. I realized October 1, 2009 I was truly in love with this man. I realized true love when it stared me smack dab in the face in the middle of an emergency room during my miscarriage. I had gone to urgent care that afternoon when I realized it had started and I had lost a lot of blood and was really light headed. I was fighting passing out at home and Andy took me to urgent care which then called an ambulance to take me to the nearest hospital. I had never been so frightened and calm all at the same time. I had a peace because I knew Andy was there taking care of me and with me through this ordeal. They were speculating whether or not to give me a blood transfusion and started me on an IV drip. I was scared and grieving, but Andy was my strength, my rock. He calmed me and made me feel safe. It was in the middle of the room with just the hospital curtains drawn around my bed I was hooked up to an IV, a pulse monitor and had other cords wrapped around my arms. I was still miscarrying and they would not let me go to the restroom because I might have passed out so I had the humiliation of relieving everything in a stool/potty contraption next to the bed. I was so embarrassed and did not want Andy to see or hear any of that and I just kept apologizing to him. Do you know what he did? He just kept helping me onto the potty/stool and held up all of my tangled wires and IV and my hospital gown while I got rid of what was coming. He stood there and kept telling me it was all going to be okay and gave me that look of calmness he always has. That was the defining moment that I realized I was in love.
The following verse from The Message was read at our wedding in 2005 and I still love it today. I love it because I have witnessed it. I love it because I have experienced it. I love it because I see glimpses of this kind of love in Andy and the way he treats me. I love it because I feel God's love for me in the way Andy loves me. I am truly blessed. I leave you with this verse and the hope that you experience this kind of love in your life. Happy Valentine's Day!

 1 Corinthians 13: 3-7 from The Message
   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.


  1. Such a sweet story--true love is wonderful isn't it? :)

  2. Kristen,

    Beck-i here! I just read this post and it didn't pull or tug at my heart strings. It ripped at them. This is such a great post and I am so glad that you have Andy as your rock and person to lean on. Truly and amazing guy and you two both make a great couple. I can't imagine the struggles that you are going through right now but I have to say I admire your strength and perservearance (sp?) through this journey. The day WILL come when God will bless you with a little bundle of joy and I know in my heart that you and Andy are going to be the most amazing parents! I will continue to pray for you both in hopes that God answers us all soon.

    Take care and keep the great blogs coming!