Dead and Gone

So I was at the gym on the treadmill today trying to get "into the zone" and let go of the stresses of the day and all I still needed to accomplish. I was listening to music and the song "Dead and Gone" by T.I. and Justin Timberlake came on  my i-pod. For the first time in a long while I focused in on the words and I realized this was the song for me for today. You see I was feeling overwhelmed and grateful all at the same time. Overwhelmed because I have a lot going on this week with the book and in my personal life. Grateful because I am so excited and very content with where things are in my life. I am someone who has spent most of her life looking forward to something and not enjoying what is happening now. I am enjoying what is happening now. I do feel as if the old me is dead and gone. I am trying to find my way back home and I have traveled on this road far too long. I was tired of traveling that road and trying to control the outcome of everything. In the song they sing about turning their head to the East and West and no one is by their side but they look to the North and swallow their pride. Lately I have looked North and found I have had to swallow my pride and surrender it to God. Through my surrender I have given up control. I have tried to stop controlling my life and where this book and speaking thing is all headed. For the first time I can remember I am trying to not control the results. Let go. Breathe. Work hard. Repeat. That is how I start each day and surrender my struggles, ambitions and relationships. This is huge for me. Three months ago I had given up the ability to even pray and  talk to God anymore. Now I pray by the minute. Something comes up and I feel my need to control and manage it. I pray to let go. The old me is dead and gone. I have traveled this road too long and it is exhausting! Now who knew T.I. and Justin Timberlake could be so profound...

Check out the song here if you want.